One or Two?

Travis and I have been waffling about whether to have another baby for about a year now. Wait much longer and the choice will be taken out of our hands by the inevitable exigencies of encroaching middle-age. Translation – I’ll be peri-menopausal and then menopausal sooner than I think.

In the meantime, though, we to and we fro. On the one hand, it would be nice for Petra to have a sibling. My family isn’t large, and Travis’s is a long way from here, so Petra doesn’t have a big extended family to belong to. If she remains an only child, she’ll have to have to deal with aging parents by herself. She’ll miss out on the unique relationship siblings have – they’re the only other people who know all about you and where you come from. And at the moment, she’s our exclusive focus, which I don’t think will be so comfortable for her as she grows up and asserts her independence.

On the other hand is my wariness and weariness as I contemplate doing it all again. I enjoyed being pregnant and while the labour was hard work, it was manageable. I never felt overwhelmed and I never needed pain relief, despite being induced. I’d quite happily do both of those things again. What gives me pause is the thought of the sleepless nights, the all-encompassing exhaustion of the first few months. I remember someone spouting that “enjoy them, the time goes so fast,” platitude at me when Petra was a couple of months old, and me wanting to wring their damn-fool neck because I was so knackered.

They were right of course, babies are wonderful and you only have them for about a year. In that time, your tiny baby sits, crawls, stands, then strides off into toddlerhood, leaving you awed and gasping in her wake.

So we remain at stalemate. I’m reluctant to finally rule out another baby, because babies are lovely; I’m reluctant to finally rule in a second baby because they’re hard tiring work.

Here’s what you look like as a new mum – kind of blotchy, with dark rings around your eyes – but smiling and smiling.

Sallow and pink and black, and happy all over

Unless you’re Miranda Kerr, model and wife of Orlando Bloom, in which case you look like she does in this lovely breastfeeding photo.

Miranda Kerr

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4 Responses to One or Two?

  1. trayflow says:

    Go on 🙂 just remember it is a short period of time that you have to suffer getting up nights feeding and what not. With Alex I am amazed at how quickly 7 months has gone. Ok, he is in my bed but he is sleeping almost all night aside from when he wants his dummy. I always said I didn’t want Sofia to be an only child after seeing my nephew grow up without siblings. You don’t want to wait much longer or they will be too far apart in age. I think by the time you had a second one Petra would be much better than she would have been say, a year ago. Go on, you know you want to 🙂

    • Janettes says:

      🙂 You’re right – I probably do want to…
      How did you find it second time through? More or less stressful? More or less tiring? I’m hoping that it would be easier because I’d know more about what to expect.

      • trayflow says:

        Alex was less stressful for that very reason–I knew what to expect. But then I had the added stress of a 2.5-3 year old being jealous and having tantrums. That has smoothed out significantly now. I think I was more tired because when I only had Sofia I could lie down for a nap with her but with Alex I had a toddler shouting “wake up, mummy” if I tried to close my eyes for five minutes. I should have had her in school before he was born, but that wasn’t the case so I dealt with it.

        I did learn to let more things go. I really dislike having a messy house. My house is always messy now because I am one person and can’t do it all. My husband works a lot and isn’t much help when it comes to housework or kid stuff.

      • Janettes says:

        So it’s both less and more stressful then. 🙂
        Petra didn’t ever nap for long enough during the day for me to sleep with her, so I wouldn’t miss that so much. But I would miss the quiet time that you have with a baby when they’re just lying on your lap staring at your face. And sibling rivalry isn’t something I’ve considered much. Did you do anything special to help Sofia, or did things just work themselves out?
        I hear you on the messy house front. I’m always a bit cluttery, even though I aspire to tidy. But now that I have Petra the volume of clutter has increased dramatically and I’ve just had to learn to go with it. I’m planning a clean up tomorrow though – it’s gotten too messy for me to stand.

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